Letting go vs Giving up

I write this as I hold Wolfie over my left shoulder gently rocking him so that he can squeeze in a few minutes of slumber that will hold him off until bedtime. I do this after 30 minutes of trying to get him to sleep in his crib, watching him startle himself awake within minutes of me setting him down over and over and over. Those who I have confided in know that getting babies to sleep is one of the most frustrating and emotional things to me. I don't think I am alone but I can't imagine anyone hating it more than I do. Don't get me wrong, holding a sleeping baby can be one of the most divine things but the 'will they or won't they' dance that you play around a crib at bedtime (and all day long for naps) really drives me insane. Sleep training River completely changed my relationship with him. I was no longer responsible for his sleep. The way in which he slept could no longer be blamed on how I swayed him, how many laps around the room I took or how gently I laid him down.

I am reliving this all over with Little Wolfie and I know I'm hitting that same wall I did a year and a half ago which means some sleep training this week...I hope. The trickiest part with this kid is that during the day he generally doesn't stay asleep for longer than 30 minutes. So I am not sure if the sleep training will save that but if it doesn't I have been racking my brain for a way to be at peace with whatever the outcome is because in the end he is a healthy and ridiculously happy baby and shouldn't that be enough? 

Not to get all "Frozen," but I've decided to let it go. Let go of my expectations of what I believe he should nap like. I have to let go of comparing him to River or some "perfect" child I see on social media. Let go of the knot in my stomach that I get when I hear his cry after only 10 minutes of sleep. And while I may in time be able to let go, I will never give up hope that he will improve and things will get better in the future. I hope this mindset can be beneficial in other aspects of my life. Maybe letting go of disappointment in myself for things I haven't accomplished, my imperfections as a wife/mother or the way I look because they are only going to drive me mad. While I let go of the negative baggage, it's important not to give up on my potential and continue to strive to be the best version of myself.